[ Feeling his hands slip into theirs, they feel compelled to squeeze his hands tighter, to hold onto him as tightly as his fragile hands would allow. But, as it stands, it's probably too dangerous to do that now; they'd had the buffer of his sleeves before, but now all that stands between their jagged fingers and his soft skin are thin gloves, ones that they can't even see the state of. Even amidst everything, they think first of being careful with him, just like they've always been. ]
...I think it was the truth. [ They admit, shaking their head. ] He said that Ghost's last wish made me too cooperative towards Phosphophyllite. That I'm "bound" by a loyalty to them.
[ Truthfully, if their eyes had the effect of making them follow Phos's wishes, and to a greater extent, follow Ghost's wish to do whatever necessary to protect them, it would be an explanation for why they'd always felt so trapped by their obligations. Cairngorm is the type to just accept the duties thrust onto them - maybe that's why they couldn't tell the difference between getting asked by Ghost, and being made to do it by Ghost. It's not a happy explanation, and it only makes them feel more lonely at the prospect of spending an additional 100 years under the instructions of someone else. But, maybe knowing this now is a chance to break away from it. ]
Maybe that's why I... [ For a moment, they trail off, looking lost despite their damaged features. It's always hard to talk about themself, but it's the only way to make sense of this. ] Why I feel like I have to go back, have to do all of it. All so I can do what they told me to do.
[ And maybe they really don't have to go back, don't have to keep agreeing to Phos's insane plans against their best judgment, don't have to keep feeling like they're always failing, always need to do more or be more. That person, whoever they were, was right - it's just exhausting. ]
no subject
...I think it was the truth. [ They admit, shaking their head. ] He said that Ghost's last wish made me too cooperative towards Phosphophyllite. That I'm "bound" by a loyalty to them.
[ Truthfully, if their eyes had the effect of making them follow Phos's wishes, and to a greater extent, follow Ghost's wish to do whatever necessary to protect them, it would be an explanation for why they'd always felt so trapped by their obligations. Cairngorm is the type to just accept the duties thrust onto them - maybe that's why they couldn't tell the difference between getting asked by Ghost, and being made to do it by Ghost. It's not a happy explanation, and it only makes them feel more lonely at the prospect of spending an additional 100 years under the instructions of someone else. But, maybe knowing this now is a chance to break away from it. ]
Maybe that's why I... [ For a moment, they trail off, looking lost despite their damaged features. It's always hard to talk about themself, but it's the only way to make sense of this. ] Why I feel like I have to go back, have to do all of it. All so I can do what they told me to do.
[ And maybe they really don't have to go back, don't have to keep agreeing to Phos's insane plans against their best judgment, don't have to keep feeling like they're always failing, always need to do more or be more. That person, whoever they were, was right - it's just exhausting. ]